I have such issues with my emotions. I know that a huge part of personal change is going to be about understanding my own emotions and feelings. I experienced something very amazing today.
As simple and wonderful and amazing as Joy is it’s something that’s been lacking from my life lately. With being busy and tired and stressed out it’s just not been a priority for me; for us. We were in the car and my husband said something so funny that I couldn’t stop laughing. We were holding hands and going slow. We knew there was no need to rush today. The weather is bad, neither of us have to be at work, the baby was napping in his car seat.
After I finished laughing I couldn’t stop smiling. It was as if my spirit had lifted and I was flying. I was so filled with white light and joy. For a few minutes nothing in the world mattered but just enjoying time with my husband. Hold his hand and laughing with him, smiling with him. I felt inspired to make positive changes in my life. My mental health as well as emotional health.
This has made me realize that sometimes we all just need to slow down in life and experience the joy. The joy of life. The joy of being close and laughing with each other. We all need to slow down to love one another.
Check it out at Mudpies and Mary Janes. My personal favorite is the Itsy Bitsy Spider Cupcake Soap.
Yeah, we’re at my moms due to not having power. From aep.com, “Estimated restoration for all customers in this area could be as late as midnight, Wed., Feb. 4.; however, a majority of customers will likely see power restored by Sunday, Feb. 1.” /straightface
So I get out in the cold and ice, risking my neck, to go to work. I get there. The parking lot is a sheet of ice. No cars or people to be seen.
I try to leave out of the main exit and I get stuck in the snow/ice. I put it in reverse thinking that if I got a running start I could make it out. Not a chance in hell. I finally get out the back way. Slipping and sliding all the way home on the roads that haven’t been take care of very well. I get to my turnoff and slow down, lightly apply the breaks, only to slide past where I need to turn. I go the back way to the house. I make it home in one piece. I call the answering service to leave a message and I’m told they went home at 1:00pm. I’m thinking, ‘What in the hell? Why didn’t my boss call me?’
Yeah it’s been that sorta day.
Jon was very sick yesterday and last night. Full scale vomiting and diarrhea. He’s still not back to normal but he’s getting there. Eating some toast and drinking sprite to regain some energy.
We got a whole lot more snow last night and now the freezing rain is coming down. I love it!!! It’s so pretty and there’s no school so hubby doesn’t have to go to work! Which is a good thing today for sure!!
J is home because it snowed last night!! That’s so awesome and beautiful. It’s supposed to continue to snow for a few days so hopefully he won’t have to go this week at all. Oh and don’t worry, he gets paid no matter how many snow days they have!
I gotta be quick. My ANA test come back positive so I’m waiting to find out more information. I go back to the doctor on Monday. Hopefully I’ll know more then.
To be really honest I’m scared. She didn’t sound hopeful on the phone when I asked if the specialist is with KDMC. The only way I can go is if the hospital will pay for it. If I do have some type of autoimmune disorder I’m afraid that I won’t be able to find out what it is or be treated for it. It sucks being poor.
We went swimming at the YMCA today. It felt so good to be in the water. We had a whole lot of fun and I think we reconnected somewhat.
I went to the doctor on Thursday just to be told I have to undergo another bloodbath. Monday, if the lab is open, I have to go and have a shit ton of blood work done. GTT, insulin level, Sed rate, ANA, Rheumatoid factor, and a Hepatitis panel.
They’re confirming the diabetes and trying to rule out everything before they give me a Fibromyalgia diagnosis. My liver enzymes were three times the normal rate so they’re also checking for some sort of hepatitis just in case. She wants to figure out my levels are so bad.
I go back to the doctor on Wednesday. It’s bittersweet actually. It’s nice to know that I can finally get healthy, but it’s a shock to me that I have so much wrong. It’s scary because I have no health care, no real way to get health care. I’m also worried that because I’m breastfeeding, I can’t take Lyrica. It’s the only drug that I know of that is used to treat Fibro and I can’t take it.
If I do get the diagnosis, do I wean C so that I can be healthy or do I continue to breastfeed and deal with the pain I’m in? /gaah It’s so hard to know what is right. It’s down right stressful and draining.
Thursday I did 15 mins on the treadmill and tonight I helped J clean up after the basketball game. My body has been hurting like crazy and I hope that over time the exercise is going to help ease the pain.